at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
