We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
