Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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