it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
