i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
