Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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