wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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