I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
