OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
