Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
