Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
