I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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