God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
