Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
