How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
