ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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