Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
