We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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