Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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