Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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