that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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