Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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