alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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