I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
