Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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