Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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