so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
