just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
