i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
