another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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