I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize