Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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