God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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