Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
