dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
