phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
