I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize