All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
