"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
