just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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