i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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