your parents love me but you hate me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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