Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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