We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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