No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
