I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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