apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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