All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
