Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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