i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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