there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize