hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this beer tastes like vomit already
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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