I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize