He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
