You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
