I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
