I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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