i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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