Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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