well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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