I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
