She is in my trunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
