you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
