i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
