I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
