very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
