I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
