i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My life is pants optional.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
