don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
