I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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