I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Im part way to drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize