You just made me feel so damn special
If that was your dad, he is hot
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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