Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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