Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
