I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
