Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
