ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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